Saturday, 29 May 2010

Coming back.

(In my defence- who want's to be in a picture with her two waifs of friends anyway!?)
This past week has been fairly monumental for me personally,
I left school, we got very dressed up, perhaps my aching feet would argue too dressed up, but that's besides the point.
I have spent many of my teen years celebrating milestones with these people, we have laughed and laughed together- I know that whatever happens now I will have a hard time recreating some of the booming fervent laughter I have enjoyed with my peers, they are simply all fantastic people- particularly my form.
It felt unbelievably indulgent to spend uninterrupted time getting dolled up, recently it has been the most I can do to wash my hair, so whilst I didn't feel relaxed and at ease, I felt more myself, slowly we're coming back. My Mutti is learning to relax and occasionally sleep again, we are adapting to having our sweet Oli home with us, somewhere she so nearly slipped away from.
As her sister, it's something I can't yet bear to even think about, I can't imagine how Jack's brothers and sister's are feeling, and, however selfish, I'm not sure I can bear to, it's too close to what could so easily have been, it is still much too raw to me that I could have so easily lost my oldest, wisest sister, whom I always ask for advice, because she always know's just what to say, As my sister she is the closest thing I have to myself, I couldn't have lost that. never.
And My sweet, enduring Oli?
she is doing amazingly well both physically and mentally, and to all of those of you who took the time out to tell me we are in your prayers; we are feeling them. It is the mental scar's that will take the longest to heal, and heal they will, but they will never leave her, for there are just some scar's that run too deep, and maybe that's good, she wouldn't want to loose those precious last memory's she has of her oldest and best friend. Luckily for her she has Stephen, Jack's brother, for he is the closest thing she will ever have to Jack, and will never tire of talking about him.
Today we took my Sweet Oli out on her first proper outing since the crash, in her 'bionic wheels', which happened nearly exactly three weeks ago today, two weeks six days, 23 hours and eighteen minutes ago to be precise.
She spent some of the money she had received for the birthday she had so nearly been robbed of, on purple clothes, that would fit over her swollen leg, and because purple is Jack's colour.
I cannot decide whether these three weeks have been the longest of my life or not, I can't tell weather the day's have dragged and month's could have passed, or if It feel's like it was just yesterday that I got that awful   5am phone call from a tearful Stephen- at the time I knew not if I would see my sweet Oli again, but he told me she was still breathing with us, but that Jack had passed, I remember each word and emotion, but I could not say now, after so much has happened, how I feel about it.
This is Jack,
One of the most decent, thoroughly so, boy's I could have told you of, he had a love of people, and life, he was taken too soon, but what he was and embodied on this earth will never leave us, and his family will have and cherish it always, the Lord just needed him somewhere else, whether those he left behind were ready to have him go.
I thought so long and hard about putting a picture up, but Oli thought I should, and his memory deserves to be cherished and celebrated, because that's what keep's his memory alive.
This is- so I believe, the last picture of Jack, taken that fateful night, wearing my Oli's glasses, He looks happy, and we need to take comfort from that, because ultimately he was.
we're coming back, slowly returning to our daily rituals, because I have heard that time is the greatest healer.
Until next time my sweethearts,

P.S- Welcome to the newbies!


Tamsin said...

So glad to see you had a fun day with your friends, and I'm loving your polka dots!
It is nice to see a photo of Jack and get an idea of who he was. He looks so fun, friendly and relaxed.

Heather said...

I'm a newbie here, via CJane. Love your blog, your writing is well beyond your years. You are now on my Google Reader list :-)

Mom4ever said...

You are cool. That's all I have to say. :o)

Rhianna said...

I love all of you gals’ dresses!

Carmen said...

That is a great picture of you and your friends. I'm so glad that Oli is feeling better. I wish her a speedy recovery, Jack was a handsome boy. I hope his family finds comfort in the hard days ahead. I lost my Dad in a car accident. It always breaks my heart to hear of anyone else losing their loved ones in that horrific way.

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