Thursday, 20 May 2010

A big fat update on Oli and us.

This here blog has a very little fan base, made up largely of me and 7 loyal followers and a couple of lovely lurkers (I don't judge- I do it!) and how lovely you all are, the emails, comments, I adore you guys!

My Oli came home on Tuesday night, and how happy we are to have her back!
She spent 11 days in hospital, and to say she was fed up is an understatement to say the least, she is not yet very mobile, and needs help with getting in and out of bed and whatnot, and faces months of physiotherapy, some in water, but I don't care, because until those wee hours of Saturday morning, with my parents gone, not knowing if I would have a sister to come home to me, I didn't realise how much I need my sister, how I need her honesty, her beauty and comedy, I knew I loved her but at that moment I realised that Oli has a good grasp of my heart and I need her, I will always need her, because my sisters and I fit three parts of a trio, we need each other.

And so I now realise more than ever, that I don't care what she has to do to get better, I care that it may be hard and it may hurt her, but I am just so unequivocally grateful that we get her, that by God's grace she is here.
I always knew I loved her, because she's my sister, but I now know that I adore her and I just can't elaborate on that, she's my sister. That's it.
I hate that she's hurting, I hate that Jack is gone and will never get to experience the thing's he should, I hate this, I'm angry for her, I have always believed that God has a plan for us, that thing's happen for a reason because there is just no way to explain these things, and in some way's I'm still partial to this.

This is Olivia's second crash in as many months, the same driver was driving, with her and close friend Phillip, but they were not at fault, they were hit by a drunk driver at speed and in police chase, they were injured but not seriously, they were just getting over it.
But it is this that reassures me that my Oli is meant to be here, and that she has a purpose on this earth, and that she will change and help it. because she's my Oli, but the death of Jack, beloved by everyone, a thoroughly kind and decent boy, makes me question everything, I can't see that we will ever be able to make sense of this, but I hope and pray that one day, Olivia will be able to....I don't know.

His funeral is tomorrow, they are expecting a spectacular turnout, and by the sounds of it it will be a spectacular event to boot, they are sending him off in style, as is fitting.

The only good that has come of this life changing- for so many families, ordeal, is that I understand how crucial my sister is to my very being, And that I have had my faith thoroughly restored in the good and the grace God has invested in others, they have been unfailing in their strength and goodness, and kind kind gestures, nothing is too much to help. And, if it can be described as such, that Jack is at peace and will always be so, to watch over his loved ones and his friends, in the long months and year's ahead.

And the rest of it? well Andrew is awaiting surgery, and many an operation to fix his leg, the biggest of those not until next week when he will be given a metal kneecap, such is the extent of the damage, he does not complain and remains in good spirits, he's a dude, Andrew. The driver sustained serious head injuries, and is greatly affected, I don't want to say any more but please keep everyone involved in your thoughts and prayers.

Olivia will attend the funeral, wheelchair bound tomorrow, for someone so young it is a horrific ordeal, for her and everyone else, I have an exam I simply cannot miss, and am racked with guilt over my absence, but I doubt anyone there will miss lil' old me. Oli is okay at home, she's lost it a few times but she's simply an amazing girl- I hope she doesn't read this, because that'd just be awkward, but I hope she'd know already.

And me?- I don't feel right complaining, or saying too much- or saying nothing at all, I'm just doing my best not to be alone with my thoughts for too long, and to be there for my Oli, because I think she's been- and continues to be, amazing.

I'm done, sorry it was long winded but I had to spit it all out, it's been clogging up my head for a week, goodness know's there's enough up there as it is.
You can read what I couldn't write, here and here. 
Please keep everyone in your thoughts and prayers, they will need them with every ounce of their being's.
Until next time my sweethearts, when perhaps I shall be more myself,


Kelly said...

What a beautiful post in such tragic circumstances. It sounds like you young women have an amazing bond. I hope my daughters (aged 3.5 and 1 month) are never tested in this way but that they will mean so much to one another.
I hope you are all working your way through your sister;s recovery.

madsta said...

Thank you Kelly, we do, and so will your daughters, they are so lucky to have each other, sisters are the best. Its this weird sister thing, you can't explain it-she's doing so well :)
p.s congrats on the new little one!

Sarah said...

What a beautifully written and heartfelt post in the face of tragedy and challenge.

I am relieved that your sister is doing well.

Linda Diane said...

Hello, dear Maddy! I send greetings from Texas in the US of A.: ) I have just now became acquainted with you through your guest post on Somehow I think your fan base is going to grow beyond your expectations now! What a gift you have for writing. I am eager to do more exploring of past posts, but let me say that the post about your sister was very sweet. You now have the gift of appreciating her more than you ever would have otherwise, and I can see that you do! I am so sorry for the physical and emotional pain of so many around you now. You will all be in my prayers.

Cape Cod Rambling Rose said...

Hello Maddy! I, too, am here via CJane. You have such an amazing soul; the bond between you and your sister is beautiful and admirable. Much love to you and your family, and the other families involved, as you deal with this tragic experience.

kherb said...

Another cjane reader here! Maddie/Maddy/ sound so grown up and mature! Your post about your sister is so sweet. I hope she has a speedy recovery and the others fare well. So sorry for the loss of Jack. Sending thoughts and prayers across the pond...

Patti said...

This made me miss my sister more than I can explain. It makes me happy to know you cherish yours so much, even though I don't know you. Thank you for helping to bring back a rush of beautiful memories. I will pray for all of you.

Sugar Bear said...

Hi Maddy,
I came over from CJane as well. You have a great talent for writing and your words about your sister and your bond are beautiful.

aubtobobtolob said...

Thoughts and Prayers are with you and yours. My best friend lost her sister in a car crash when we where in highs school. It was not an easy time and the love of others and prayer helped so much.
You have a gift with the.... key board. :-)

Trent and Meg said...

Hi Maddy,
I'm from Utah--Pleasant Grove to be exact. Thanks for your post on cjane and for the one just above as well. Sisters are the best,aren't they? Thank you for being so open with your thoughts and feelings...processing is hard, but so very important to learning and *trying* to understand. Hugs to you and yours.

Kathi said...

Another reader from CJane gazing at your blog with tenderness and affection. Such wisdom for one so young.... I'm glad your sister is going to make it! And I am glad she has you and you have her. :)

Krystal said...

I'm here via CJane and just wanted to tell you I think you are great! Lovely post about your sister and I hope all that is good follows her and your family.

Megan (Best of Fates) said...

What a beautiful post, you're clearly wise far beyond your years.

LC said...

I also found your blog through CJane. I also had a sister who was in a tragic automobile accident. She was in ICU for 2 months and the hospital for 4 months. Her fiance died from his injuries and she is left paralyzed, a quadriplegic. It really has been a journey of faith. My heart goes out to you, your sister and your family. You are a remarkable young lady.

Colleen said...

I am also one of a trio of sisters and cannot imagine if one were to be gone ... beautiful post.

Sue said...

This is a beautiful post.

I have three sisters myself, and I know what you mean about that sister love.

I'm so glad yours survived...and so sorry your friend Jack did not. Life can be very difficult, at times.

But you have your sister. And that is cause for joy.


madsta said...

to everyone who has visited and followed.
I love you all.
you have no idea how much you sharing your thoughts, kind words and deeply personal experiences means to me, if your now following (then I really love you) and I hope I live up to your expectations,

Laura said...

I am here via cjane also. I read certain blogs every day and while I feel like some of these people are my "friends", I have never felt compelled to make a comment ... until today. Growing up, my mother would say to my sister and I "you will have no better friend than your sister", and now she says "I told you so" because my sister is my absolute best friend. I have 3 daughters and I tell them "you will have no better friend than your sister" and I cannot wait for them to experience it for theirselves.
What you and your sisters are going through is remarkably trying, I'm sure, but it appears that you are a special young lady and I'm sure that your sisters are as well. Your parents must be so proud at the young women that their daughters are becoming.
You touched my heart when you said that you and your sister were a trio and how you hurt for her. God Bless you and your family. I will be praying for you tonight!!

madsta said...

Laura- this comment got me, thank you Your daughters will know it and understand soon enough, though hopefully in less trying circumstances, thank you! blessings to your beautiful daughters!

Lori said...

I am here from Cjane as well. You have an amazing talent for the written word but more importantly an amazing heart and values--NEVER lose that, my dear! I am glad your sister is recovering. God Bless you both, Lori from Maine

Annalee Kelly said...

Hi Maddy! I'm here via cjane as well, and live in Idaho Falls, Idaho. You are so articulate and authentic. Thank you for sharing. One of my favorite one-liners may be of comfort to you and your family, "Our crosses are easier to carry if we keep moving." ~ Elder Neal A. Maxwell
God bless!

nora ballantyne harrison said...

dearest madsta,
i have four sisters. we are not complete without eachother, even though our ages span nearly twenty years. i am so, SO glad your sister came home to you. and your mum and dad. may god continue to bless her as she journeys the arduous road ahead with courage and fortitude. i will keep you all in my prayers.
xoxo, nora

Juli said...

This is Juli from Australia. Thank you for reminding me how much I love my own sisters. God bless you.

Anonymous said...

Maddie, I also found you via CJane! Did you ever think you would be this popular in the USA? I am glad your sister is home, but feel sorrow for the loss of the friends. I can't imagine losing one of my sisters (I have 2 of them). Good luck with the recovery, physical and mental. You are a true blessing to your family. Dacia

Anonymous said...

What a beautiful post. I have three sisters, and 'most' of us are very close in our older age. I guess 3 out of 4 isn't so bad - right? I am sorry to read about the accident your sister and her friends were involved in. My husband was involved in an accident a long time ago which took the lives of his brother and sister. No one questioned why and only asked what can we do. I really feel like the best medicine is open communication and unconditional love - which I think you already have under control. Be patient - these things take time. Blessings and love to all of you.

Nicole said...

I'm here from CJane too. Which is funny because I am an English Woman who lives in Germany, but used to live in Uxbridge which as you know is just up the road to you. My Husband used to work at RAF West Ruislip in the mid 90's when you were probably just a wee nipper, but hey we have a tenuous link at the very least!!.
I'm sorry you have to experience the loss of friends at such a young age. It's hard to fathom what the big plan of life is all bout sometimes. I lost a dear friend at the age of 18 and I still remember him from time to time when he comes to me in memories or I see his image in someone else. You have a great talent for writing, please keep it up, best wishes to your sister for a full recovery.

madsta said...

Nicole, I can't believe I have found someone so-once upon a time, local! I'm in uxbridge all the time!- thank you, he was a dear boy, truly, :)

Ashley said...

I am visiting from CJane's blog, and felt compelled to leave you a note. I pray that your sister fully recovers from her physical injuries, and that her heart is able to heal from the pain of this tragedy. You are blessed to have one another as sisters, as I am blessed to share a similarly close bond with my own little sister. May God be near to you, comforting you even at times when things don't make sense or seem fair. Thank you for sharing your beautiful journey with all of us through your blog. I hope it's alright that I'll visit again!
Love Ashley

madsta said...

Thank you Ashley- it's definitely okay :) I'll look forward to it! :)

Jordan said...


I am so sorry to hear of this news. I do hope your Oli recovers without complication. My prayers are with you. And thank you for your thoughts of my sweet little Hazel. She is also recovering well.



madsta said...

Jordan- Thank you! you are so sweet, I'm glad to hear about hazel- she's just so little! Oli is doing really well, she can bend her knee at 90% and walked a bit yesterday, I'm going to try and upload a video! :)

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